Issues Under Fire: Beware West African Monkey Meat at your local Grocer

                      Beware West African Monkey Meat at your local Grocer. 

Since it's Friday, most won't believe you when you call in sick without a really good excuse. Well, thanks to a well-developed slacker's imagination, here's one most will be too frightened to question.

It was late last night, and the pantry was empty of munchies. Panicked, I made a munchie run before all the stores closed. Unfortunately, the only food available within walking distance was a McDonald's drive-thru. Having seen Morgan Spurlock's Super Size Me, a Big Mac seemed like an unhealthy choice, even for someone jonesing for a Twinkie. 

Still, it pays to live right because right there on the corner was a dark-skinned, heavily African-accented chap selling exotic street food at an unbelievable price. He was practically giving it away. While the meat did carry a particularly odd aroma, a tough texture, and a gamey taste, not at all like chicken as advertised, the price was right, and a case of the munchies blurred better judgment. The munchies can do that to some people. 

However, with each bite, chew, and eventual swallow, it slowly became apparent that something was wrong. And it didn't take much longer to figure out what it was. Marinaded Monkey Meat and Boiled Bat Balls were the only selections on his menu. You got it, WTF? But it was too late!

It's funny how differently life looks when you're staring up at the night sky, writhing in abdominal pain. Suddenly, the street vendor looked like he was in poor health, too. Why didn't his perfuse perspiration, his shaky hands, his weak stance, his pained expression, and his complaint of having a severe headache trigger an alarm? It was only when his puke bucket beneath the small counter space came into view that the idea of reporting this person to the health department was considered. 

It took hours to stumble and stagger home in the dark. Begging strangers for help along the way, it was apparent most New Yorkers had gotten the memo: "If you see someone showing signs of Ebola, don't get close, don't let them get close to you, don't try to help, and don't even call for help because nobody knows what to do anyway." 

Don't worry. In the interest of public safety, temperatures will be monitored, and a self-imposed quarantine will remain in effect until the all-clear is given by our in-house Witch Doctor. Anyone paying attention to the news lately knows you can't trust hospitals these days. C-Ya Monday. Maybe! 

By the way, we have another cool episode of Rocky Jordan, " The Two O'clock Man," below for you to enjoy and share. So, enjoy and share.