Issues Under Fire: Security Officials Fear Radicalized Yorkie Planning Attacks Against Homeland
If its Sunday, for some its Meet the Press. If its Friday, for some its another lame excuse to play hooky from work. That seems to be a recurring them around here and thanks to the Slackers amongst us, this Friday is no different. However, oddly enough our usual ability to craft an acceptable excuse for an unexcused absence seems to be illusive at the moment, so the God's honest truth will have to suffice.
As you may recall, two weeks ago our dog Doobie had been self radicalized and fled the United States en route to Istanbul to hook up with ISIS recruiters. Well late last night, we received a visit from none other than Jey Johnson, Secretary of Homeland Security, Susan Rice, National Security Advisor, FBI Director James Comey and Secretary of Defense Chuck Hagel. Peering through the blinds and seeing all the black suburbans lining the streets, with agents taking up positions on roof tops, it was obvious going to work this Friday might not be an option.
When the United States' top security officials were invited in, it became instantly evident, they were in a state of panic. Fear clearly etched on the faces of all, they seated themselves and began to explain; our dog Doobie had met with ISIS's leader, Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi to forge an alliance. Unfortunately, the meeting didn't go as Doobie had expected and the sequences of events that followed, were simply as unforeseeable, as unbelievable.
Susan Rice, took the lead, stating the NSA had intel that confirmed Doobie went berserk when he was told he'd have to make his bones with a beheading before he could hang with some of the local bitches. Apparently, Doobie was under the impression that he'd already proven himself by praying five times a day and giving up weed and tequila. When the disappointment quickly turned to rage, in a phrase, it was on!
Unable to restrain the dog, Doobie beheaded the ISIS leader, killing several of al-Baghdadi's toughest battle-hardened bodyguards in the process and threatened to bitch-slap anybody who tried to stop him from leaving. When other ISIS fighters realized what had happened, they were so impressed with Doobie's vicious temperament, instead of trying to exact revenge, they embraced the dog by making him the new leader of ISIS.
It was then, FBI Director Comey said Doobie had changed his name to Mohammed al-Doobie Ali and may be planing to return to the United States with bad intentions. Defense Secretary Hagel stated U.S defenses would be no match for al-Doobie, as they'd documented countless atrocities committed by the dog too horrid to repeat.
Because air strikes were useless and President Obama still refusing to allow U.S. ground troops to confront the rabid militant out of concern for the military's safety, the nation might have to fight al-Doobie Ali here in the Homeland.
When and if the Doobie could be located and contacted before making entry into the states, they needed somebody Doobie might trust. Since there's so few people in the entire world with any any idea how to reason with Doobie, we were being brought in to try to talk him down. Considering we don't even know if Doobie is Shiite or Sunni, he could easily be offended and go off on us. This could be dangerous.
Still, in service to our country and peace loving Americans throughout this great nation, we could not show up for work today, while fully aware of this existing threat. It is only for America, this great sacrifice is being made and we can only hope it will be recognized and appreciated. If everything works out okay, we'll be back in the studio on Monday. Pray for us, as you probably can tell, we need help!
BTW, you've not been left hanging. If you click below, you'll find another really cool episode of Rocky Jordan. Entitled "The Broken Wing", Rocky comes to the aide of a friend needing protection for his beautiful daughter. Don't worry, the plot thickens quickly. Enjoy and share.
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