Issues Under Fire: Slack Slacker Looses His Brain

Issues Under Fire: Slack Slacker Looses His Brain 

Generally on a Friday morning its a given my absence is a forgone conclusion around here. The only question on everybody's mind is, what's the excuse this time? Well, I'm afraid I don't have an excuse today, because I think I lost my brain last night. For the life of me, I can't seem to remember whether I left it some place, it was stolen or somebody was playing a cruel joke on me.  

Considering its not used very often, I tried to rule out theft because of its obvious lack of value. Anybody in need of my brain, would have to be out of their mind. On the other hand, I do have a faint memory of being abducted by little green men several weeks ago and they very were interested in my brain. Could it be them, I wondered. 

I've been trying to retrace my steps, but without a brain, recall is difficult. Since I've never used my brain at work, it couldn't possibly be there so I didn't want to waste time asking around. Besides, most people who've known me for any length of time would swear I never had one in the first place. I couldn't argue, because it wouldn't be the first time I'd been accused of medical insurance fraud. Brain replacements can be very expensive, considering living donors are so hard to find.

Desperate, I called my pal Slim Slimy over to help me find it, but when he took a look in my ear with his flashlight phone app, the only  thing he saw was a flickering neon sign reading space for rent. An ambulance was called. After an emergence MRI confirmed Slim's findings, it was decided I needed to have my head examined by a specialist.  Another ambulance was called. 

Shortly after arriving at the psych ward, for some reason, restraints were ordered and powerful sedatives were prescribed until a top neurological team could be assembled. Apparently, no one could figure out how a body could function with an empty head.  

Specialist were flown in from Vienna Germany and Geneva to evaluate my "condition". Armed with a micro miniature cam scanner, they bore a hole in my cranium and started to probe. When the images from my head's interior began to appear on the monitors circling the laboratory, I could hear screams of panic even through the drugs I'd been given. Shrieks of horror, cries of Oh My God and this can't be possible, were clearly audible.  

Suddenly, the sounds of breaking glass and slamming doors filled my ears just before dead silence engulfed the room. Through the excitement, my head began to clear, my eyes began to focus and I could now wiggle free from the heavy leather straps that held me down. Finally escaping my confinement, I headed straight for what looked like an exit when I glanced at one of the few monitors left intact from the medical staff's hasty retreat. 

There on the screen, was undeniable video of my dog Doobie deleting the data of my lifetime while laughing wildly. WTF? Slamming my head into the wall in an effort to get him out only proved painful so I abandoned that idea and tried to appeal to his sense humanity. Whether that the right thing to do or not, the outcome was actually appealing.

Doobie then clicked a send button and my head began to fill up with new data. Instantaneously, I had new memories, new ideas, a new outlook on life, and a new reason for living. I had a new beginning. Unbelievably, It felt like just spring. Leaving the facility under my own steam, I thanked Doobie and started home. 

While I can't possibly expect you to believe my story, this winter has been so challenging, I'm not even going to ask you to try. So, lets just say I'll C-ya Monday.

BTW, as per usual, there's another cool episode of Rocky Jordan just below entitled the Baksheesh Boy for your enjoyment.