While the public mating of Sarah Palin's retardation with Donald Trump's penchant for insanity qualifies as "Breaking News", if you want a real news scoop, we've uncovered a super secret anti-government program that's been manipulating caucasian DNA for decades. No Bullsh*t. This classified program, code named "Rise Rebel Rise" is solely for the development of a new breed of White people capable of resisting the influence of other races. The primary objective is to breed out tolerance.
The actual origin of the program may never be known, but reliable sources report, during the 1960's, Jethro and Elli May Clampett were abducted from their dirt floor, Appalachia cabin by a rogue unit of the CIA. They were offered a unique opportunity for riches beyond their wildest imaginations. In exchange for mating with each other and allowing their offspring to do the same, the entire family would be relocated with all expenses paid to the fanciest crib in Beverly Hills California. Yeah, I know what you're thinking.
Although Jethro had to be convinced to give up cheating in the barn with the live stock, all in all he and Ellie May thought it was a pretty good deal. Besides, the kissing cousins already had a few youngins together, so they had everything to gain and nothing to lose. After month's of preparation and careful monitoring, Ellie reported spawning the couple's first government sanctioned "Intolerant". They named him Billy Bob and before long, there were more. Many more.
After secretly infusing the Clampett's DNA with that of the Duck Dynasty's bloodline and hyper accelerating the pregnancy process, in less than a than two years, Jethro and Ellie May had given birth to an army of Billy Bobs. Since the covert anti-government program retained all rights to these hillbilly hybrids, the undercover proteges were quickly taken away for the next phase of this diabolical experiment. Upon reaching the age of eight, these Billies begin training for a prescribed mission in life. And that mission is to protect the constitution and keep America White.
The education process is just as accelerated as the Billy Bobs' way into the world, because their early years of learning is limited to arms training, bible school and the history of the old South. Intellectually enlightening subject matter like philosophy, the arts, the sciences or foreign languages are not tolerated in this environment because they're Un-American. In fact, few things are tolerated in this environment beyond being White and love of God and country. When intolerance is the goal, nothing less will be tolerated.
The successful graduate of the program will demonstrate the ability and willingness to discriminate and intimidate all minorities and immigrants. They must remain suspicious of those speaking with foreign accents and anyone, including other Whites who haven't been saved by Jesus Christ. They must keep current with national affairs through conservative talk radio and culturally pure by rejecting anything other than Country and Western music. But above all, if this project is to achieve its ultimate goal, the Billy Bobs must be ready when they get their call to take back America.
Bottom line: While many may think this tale to ridiculous to be taken seriously, astute observers are taking note of the Redneck Rebellion being lead by armed Billy Bobs in rural Oregon. Now entering a third week of occupying federal property and demanding Federal lands be turned over to private parties, Billy Bob militias have vowed an armed resistance if federal authorities don't back down. Those who can't see this armed standoff as a blatant call for violent action, won't understand what's going on when the shooting starts. Podcast Below!
By the way, in case you're wondering how an undercover brother was able to infiltrate one of the many Billy Bob militia training camps that now operating throughout most of rural America, we're prepared to reveal a tremendous scientific breakthrough of our own. After years of research, RetroVision Media's brain trust developed a formula to turn any Black man White for 72 hours. In pill form, they're called affectionally Whities. Except for significant penis shrinkage, our brave agent reported few side affects. Okay, so don't believe me.
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