One can stay tuned for updates if one so desires, but it should be known that this crew has flown the coop for a while, and there's no date scheduled to return yet. Since we've already determined who'll be leading America going forward, it's time to relax, recuperate, and retool for other challenges on the horizon. And those challenges are considerable, considering who'll be leading America going forward.
Still, if anything extraordinarily exciting, outrageously spectacular, or astonishingly miraculous jumps off, we'll never be too far away that we can't respond quickly and accurately with all the answers. No matter what the crisis, catastrophe or apocalyptically cataclysmic calamity, if it's an event one step beyond believability, you can rely on us to know what's up. And that's no brag; that's what we do! No, really.
Even if the world finds itself under attack from creatures from a parallel universe, we're prepared to speak on behalf of all humankind on a moment's notice. We got experience with shit like that. Again, not to brag, but it was our successful negotiations that led to the release of then President-elect Barack Obama from alien kidnappers in league with the KKK. If it had not been for us, he would've been on CP-Time to take his oath of office in January 2009. We wish we could share the details, but unfortunately, it's all super-duper classified. No really.
Even if legions of monosyllabic retards took to the streets demanding to be taken seriously and the right to openly copulate with the general population in order to raise the I.Q.s of their offspring, don't be alarmed, we've dealt with this demographic before. As observers of the 2016 presidential primaries, it was often necessary to explain to many Donald Trump supporters how unreasonable their expectations were.
Even if the earth's core cracks open, spewing mountains of molten lava into the atmosphere, threatening tens of millions across the globe with hurricanes from hell, don't worry—we've got it covered. And when those hurricanes from hell melt the polar ice caps, causing planetary flooding, sending hundreds of millions seeking higher ground, only to find the higher they climb, the hotter the climate gets, don't sweat it—we got it. Not really.
Bottom line: Even if the Devil himself decided to trigger world wars 3, 4 and 5 combined by assembling the evilest army of zombie demon hellions imaginable to blitzkrieg the entire planet all at once, threatening billions of innocent souls with eternal damnation, because God's prayer box finally filled up, don't do anything before checking with me, Slack Slacker. No really.
So, until we return from our extended absence, have a few AMFs, and enjoy this Spring Break like you've earned it. And even if you haven't earned it, enjoy yourselves anyway. Take it from a world-class Slacker: unearned vacations are always the best vacations.
BTW, Don't know what an AMF is? Here's the recipe:
Adios Motherfucker recipe
1/2 oz vodka
1/2 oz rum
1/2 oz tequila
1/2 oz gin
1/2 oz Blue Curacao liqueur
2 oz sweet and sour mix
2 oz 7-Up® soda
1/2 oz rum
1/2 oz tequila
1/2 oz gin
1/2 oz Blue Curacao liqueur
2 oz sweet and sour mix
2 oz 7-Up® soda
Pour all ingredients except the 7-Up into a chilled glass filled with ice cubes. Top with 7-Up and stir gently.
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