Donald "The Twittiot" Bitch-Slaps Media & Pardons Clinton Turkeys for Thanksgiving

Donald "The Twittiot" Bitch-Slaps Media & Pardons Clinton Turkeys for Thanksgiving

In an unprecedented day of news, Donald Trump not only took the mainstream media to the woodshed, but before he even took the oath for the presidency, he essentially pardoned the Clintons for the email scandal and alleged crimes of access and influence peddling. Since each are of equal value, we'll give you the short version of both. Besides, it's Thanksgiving weekend, you should be offline soon to hang out with friends and family. Let's get started.

Imagine some of the biggest names in the American news business sauntering their snotty know-it-all asses up to "Trump Tower", presumable to chat about access, coverage logistics, interview opportunities and press conference schedules, only to find themselves ripped new assholes by the incoming president. Since the meeting was off the record, we can only report snippets of unverified rumors, but the word is, the event was like "a Fu@king firing squad." According to sources, Donald Trump went off on the butt sniffing maggots and reportedly he did so by name.

According to the New York Post, Donald Trump started in on (CNN chief) Jeff Zucker saying, "I hate your network, everyone at CNN is a liar and you should be ashamed." Another source said, the meeting was a total disaster, as Donald Trump kept saying "We're in a room of liars, the deceitful, dishonest media who got it all wrong". Reportedly, the meeting was held in a large boardroom with between 30 and 40 of the biggest names in America's lame-stream media. The hour long "incident" reportedly was attended by NBC’s Deborah Turness, Lester Holt and Chuck Todd; ABC’s James Goldston, George Stephanopoulos, David Muir and Martha Raddatz; CBS’ Norah O’Donnell, John Dickerson, Charlie Rose, Christopher Isham; Fox News’ Bill Shine, Jack Abernethy, Jay Wallace and Suzanne Scott; MSNBC’s Phil Griffin, and CNN’s Jeff Zucker and Erin Burnett.

Okay, now imagine these highly paid, highly visible and highly respected (by some) iconic names being reamed out and verbally abused as a group and not one having the balls to get up and walk out. You must understand, these types aren't accustomed to being dissed like this. At their level in the news business, they do the dissing. They're the big mouth, big shot prima donnas of their worlds. They have the last word. They didn't have to stand for that kinda shit. We know we wouldn't have. But they did. Not even one "How Dare You!" By all accounts, to a person, they took it up the wazoo without even asking for a lubricant. Supposedly, they hardly even had a chance to speak. 

Bottom line: While we're certainly no fans, followers or admirers of Donald "The Twittiot" Trump, we also have little if any respect for America's lame-stream media. In our opinion, the dirty, lying bastards deserved exactly what they got and a whole lot more.

In Other News:

In an unexpected act of humanity and graciousness, Donald Trump let the Clintons off the hook by announcing he'll not set his law dogs on the "Crooked" couple after he takes office. Considering the Clintons had to have been envisioning the worst, they must've been relieved at the news. We're still awaiting the Clinton response to Trump's gesture of goodwill, but nothing so far. However, jubilance must've ruled in Chappaqua N.Y., because we've been told by reliable sources that Hillary Clinton had called Martha Stewart for pointers on how to make a shank to protect herself behind bars (okay, that's a lie, but we couldn't resist).

Seriously, the Clintons would've been sitting around with nothing else to do but wait, wonder and worry about when the indictments would arrive. Frantically deleting more emails (some people never learn), shredding documents, contacting witnesses for the purpose of coaching, intimidating or bribing them to say "This" if ever asked "That", would be how they'd spend their days. Think of it, two old withered and dated politicians hunkering down together preparing for the legal fight of their lives. The thought of the bespeckled Clintons planning their defense alone in a home office, with only each other to comfort as the pressure mounts, would've really been a pathetic scene.  

However, let's have some fun with this. What if they turned on one another? What if one Clinton ratted the other out in order to get a better deal? Let's face it, these are politicians. And one mustn't forget, one major reason Hillary Clinton lost the election is because she couldn't be trusted. What if Hillary was still silently seething over Bill's constant lusting to hump anything wearing a skirt? What if this was payback time? Who could blame her? And what about Bill? He's gotta know Hillary might harbor hidden hostilities over his past and present behaviors and want to beat her conniving ass to the prosecutor's office with an offer they wouldn't refuse. Who would put it past him?

Bottom line: Unfortunately, Americans won't have that juicy stuff to chat about over Turkey and dressing this Thanksgiving because Donald Trump had to have a Fu@king heart. But he'd better be careful, because his base won't take to many of these flip flops. Rednecks and the Rebel class need a steady dose of red meat in order to keep them loyal and in attack mode or they'll turn on you like a rabid huntin' hound. Podcast below.