Issues Under Fire: Would Jesus Celebrate 4/20?

 

Issues Under Fire: Would Jesus Celebrate 4/20?

Did you know today is a very important date on the calendar? Today is April 20th, and according to Wikipedia, April 20th has become an international counterculture holiday, where people gather to celebrate and consume cannabis. Yeah, it's "Get High Day" for all the cool, forward-thinking, progressive-minded people who just want to chill, have a good time and be left alone with their creative, peaceful and inspirational thoughts. 4.20 is also the day many users protest in civil disobedience by getting together in public to light up at 4:20 PM. Unfortunately, it's also the day when the uncool, backward thinking, narrow-minded law enforcers are on the lookout for lawbreakers. I know it sucks, but I got a story to share this 4.20.2018 that'll take this social issue to a higher level. This story is about Jesus and nothing is gonna get you higher than that.

Considering what I've been told about Jesus, he, like me was a really cool dude. But, Jesus was so cool, he had to get high. Think about it. Only somebody who smoked weed would share all his munchies and wine with total strangers. Only somebody who smoked weed would use his talents as a healer to cure lepers, help the blind to see, and the cripples walk upright again. According to the stories told about Jesus, he did all these things and a lot more and never charged a dime. He had to be high on weed. If Jesus was rockin' rum, vodka, gin or tequila, he might've not been so generous. After a night of drinking, even with his powers to heal, he might have told the leper, "I don't do people with the cooties." He might've gotten mean. You know how drunks can be. A sh*t-faced Jesus could've been snapping his fingers to make a cripple's crutches disappear just for laughs.  

Normally at this point, I'd say "all kidding aside", and get serious. But I'm not done yet. I fully intend to convince you beyond a reasonable doubt that Jesus had to have been smoking weed to have walked his walk and talked his talk. So, let's take this story to a higher place. Only somebody high on weed would let someone slap them in the face and just turn the other cheek. No big deal, Jesus would say. "I forgive you." "I'd forgive you for anything you do." And by the way, would you like to share this bud I got? Trust me, it's the good sh*t. (Okay, that part's not true. Jesus wouldn't use profanity. But you can believe everything else.) No really. When Jesus lit up a blunt, nothing anybody did could piss him off. Think about his crucifixion. If Jesus wasn't high, that sh*t never would've happened.

Check this out:

During the last supper, Jesus was chilling with his crew, passing a dubbie, sipping some wine and munching out on some serious sour-dough bread. Since there was no iPhones or Cable TV in his day, everybody just sat around listening to what Jesus had to say. And his message to his crew was simple. Life is all about peace, love, and happiness. But his simple message went further than that. Jesus wanted his crew to tell the people to follow his way, for his way was the only way to heaven. Jesus wanted the people to learn how to forgive those who trespassed against them. And to prove it, Jesus hit the Holy Bong (aka the Holy Grail) one last time and told his boy Judas to rat him out. The rest is history.

The next day, Jesus was nailed to a cross, while his crew watched in amazement. They witnessed Jesus get whipped to the bone and he never said a word other than, "forgive them, father, for they know not what they do." Jesus was high as a kite. And that was all the proof his crew needed. The twelve apostles fanned out across the land preaching to everyone who'd listen, that weed was the way. Whenever life gets you down have some Gunga. If somebody is treating you badly, smoke a spliff because weed is the answer. And it's the answer to much more than just peace, love, and happiness. Weed can be the answer to a prayer. Weed can put your troubles into proper perspective. Weed can be the source of creativity. Weed has been the inspiration for writers, musicians, and artists. Weed can be therapeutic. 

Unfortunately, history has twisted that message. For some ungodly reason, the powers that be rejected Jesus' message. Laws were passed to make the use of weed illegal. Just having it in one's possession could get you put in jail, labeled a criminal for life and keep you from getting another good job. Why would anybody do such a thing when weed can do so much good, ease so much pain and keep people in such a cool mood? The criminalization of weed had to be satanically inspired. Somebody wants the world to live in unmitigated misery. Some unGodly force is enjoying watching the world at war. What else but pure evil would keep the answer to hate, selfishness, and greed from people when that answer grows out of the ground for free? It's people like U.S. Attorney General, Jeff Sessions, that's who!

Bottom line: Monday is another important date on the calendar. It's 4.23.2018. Supposedly, on this day, the sun, the moon, and Jupiter will line up perfectly to usher in the Rapture. And according to the bible thumpers, the Rapture signifies the second coming of Christ. On this day, the faithful will be transported to heaven, while the faithless will be left to face Hell and High Waters. So, my message to those who don't smoke weed is to twist up a big blunt just to be on the safe side. That said, have a blast this weekend. It could be your last! Podcast below.